So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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