Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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