I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
