You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
