my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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