I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
