I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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