she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
