remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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