Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
