Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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