I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
