no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
