So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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