11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
