Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
