Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
