she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
