and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
