Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
