I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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