don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
