Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
barbara walters just said penis...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just high enough for therapy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
