The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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