Already got asked if we're dating
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
