I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
