we're chasing vodka with high fives
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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