Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
