We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
