I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
