chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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