My Higher Power is John Stamos
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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