Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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