maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
