i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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