I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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