her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize