Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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