i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
