Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
