I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
