ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
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he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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