i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
