it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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