In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
