Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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