I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
