If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
