In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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