dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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