Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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