Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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