On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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