they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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