yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
