My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
