He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
even my farts smell like vagina
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
