Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
