My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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