Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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